Anniki Sommerville, host of The Hotbed podcast and part of The Hotbed Collective, is committed to empowering women and making sure their sexual needs and desires are fulfilled. We asked for her top five tips to improve the quality and frequency of our orgasms, in order to close the female orgasm gap.
1. Look After Your Pelvic Floor
Looking after your pelvic floor isn’t the sexiest of concepts – it currently ranks somewhere between ‘buy bin bags’ and ‘back up laptop memory’. However, there are so many things that affect the health of your pelvic floor, such as your age and whether you’ve given birth, that it’s important you keep it strong. Plus, if you love your pelvic floor and treat it with the respect it deserves, your pelvic floor will love you right back – and reward you with better orgasms. Give this simple exercise a try...
- Imagine you’re stopping your urine mid flow. Contract those same muscles slowly, repeating the motion ten times, then do it quickly ten times. It’s not rocket science, but we think it does help if you sing ‘Mr. Boombastic’ by Shaggy in time to your contractions.
And remember: sometimes boring stuff leads to exciting things. Very exciting. Kind of like Gary Barlow – it took 20 years for his glow-up to happen but I think we’d all agree it was worth it. It’s the same with pelvic floor exercises – although hopefully it won’t take 20 years to make it tight.
2. Make Time To Masturbate
Looking after our sex lives and having orgasms often comes too far down on our list of priorities. We know – there’s so much other shit to do. The thing is though, if you don’t masturbate, then you’re unlikely to have a spontaneous orgasm straight off the bat. Try new techniques like ‘edging’: made famous by the science-based pleasure app OMGYes!, this method sees you bring yourself right to the brink of orgasm and then stop, several times. It’s a simple idea, but will make your orgasm more intense than Alexander Skarsgård.
3. Lube And Sex Toys Are Nothing To Be Ashamed Of
If you want an orgasm then a sex toy is a nifty little critter that’ll help make that happen almost instantly. There’s such a wide choice these days, so we recommend going for something like the Womanizer or Satisfyer, (a sex toy that contains a suction mechanism that focuses on your clitoris), a bullet or a wand – which is very loud but very powerful. Use these with lubricant to make the whole experience run smoothly.
4. Fantasy Is Your Friend
Several studies have shown that women who fantasise sexually are more likely to orgasm. It’s something we do a lot as teens but then forget about and dismiss as ‘silly’ when we grow older. Truth be told fantasies are powerful – we get to control what happens.
If you don’t know where to start, then get your hands on a copy of Nancy Friday’s iconic classic My Secret Garden, in which she collates a range of fantasies from real-life women (that still to this day feel shocking and liberating, despite the fact the book was published in 1973). It’s a relief to realise that fantasy is normal and nothing is too weird or out of bounds.
5. Get An Early Night
Yes there’s other stuff to do, but did you know that sleep deprivation can cause a dip in your sex drive – which is very real and potentially very soul-destroying? It’s all too easy to just zone out and watch three more episodes of Friends before you hit the dusty trail, but let’s be honest – you’ve seen Friends a million times, so why not head upstairs for some kip?
It works vice versa too: having an orgasm can also help you sleep. It's a bit chicken and egg, but the takeaway for us is that we should take an early night when we have the opportunity to do so – whether this is to get laid, get busy with ourselves, or just get an early night, either one will put a spring in your step the next day.
If you’d like more advice from The Hotbed Collection, listen to their podcast, which has just started its fourth season and features guests such as Rose McGowan. You can pre-order their new book, More Orgasms Please, here.