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[Life](/life)

 /  01 March 2018  

#  Is It Ever OK To Snoop On Your Partner?  


Perhaps your partner has slipped into the shower and left their phone behind, maybe you’ve found yourself alone with their laptop… But is there ever an excuse to have a sneaky look at their messages, browsing history or social media?  


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As relationship expert [Tracey Cox](https://www.traceycox.com/) tells us, a small amount of jealousy can be a good thing – serving to protect your relationship and motivating us to be attentive and look good for our other halves. As for snooping ‘just to have a look’ – that’s a form of irrational jealously, and it’s ultimately self-destructive.

So if you’re feeling tempted to spy on your partner, you may want to take heed of Tracey’s advice…

## Never Snoop, Ever

Nothing good ever comes from spying. If you find something suspicious, it’s not like you can ask for an explanation without revealing you’ve invaded their privacy – and your imagination can run wild, making even the most innocent exchange seem like something else. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Jealous people see the world through distorted lenses, they see danger where there isn’t any. So make a decision now – are you going to trust your partner or not? If you decide on the former, make a leap of faith and promise yourself you’re never going to snoop.

##   
Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

One of the biggest causes of jealousy is low self-esteem. While it’s great to be aspirational, try not to compare yourself to others and list all your shortcomings – beating yourself up will only lower your self-esteem and feed your jealous thoughts.

Always remember, when measuring yourself against the truly extraordinary, even beautiful, intelligent and gifted people can feel like they’re not good enough.

##   
Learn To Trust Again

Much of the time, jealous people have had bad past experiences – they develop cynical attitudes about relationships and make generalisations based on them.  
  
But just because an old flame cheated on you or messaged other people behind your back, it doesn’t mean everyone will.

##   
Stay Off Their Social Media

Keeping constant tabs on your partner's new Facebook friends? Find yourself in a black hole of lurking every time they get a new Instagram comment? Social media is the jealous person’s worst friend – it not only feeds insecurity, it can actually make you paranoid.  
  
Just as you should make a pact to stay off their private messages, you should try to avoid going through your partner’s social media too.

##   
Take The Acid Test

Ask yourself this important question – are you jealous with each and every person you go out with? If the answer is yes, it could be worth seeing a therapist to help you work through the cause of your jealously and help you develop some effective coping strategies.

To find a therapist, visit [itsgoodtotalk.org.uk](http://itsgoodtotalk.org.uk) or [relate.org.uk.](http://relate.org.uk)

 

 

 

 

  

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