 Breadcrumbs

  



   ![How Crying Could Actually Make You Happier](https://media.sheerluxe.com/dtc_eI_b3tPbqz7Wh3PVhEL-HKM=/800x0/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2018%2F09%2Fcrying-good-you-25th-september.jpg?itok=Lnz3pNu6)

  

 

 



 

 

[Life](/life)

 /  25 September 2018  

#  How Crying Could Actually Make You Happier  


We’re well aware of the power of positivity, but there’s a big case for embracing those not-so-happy feelings too, with mounting evidence suggesting ‘having a good cry’ can do wonders for our health. So why has mindfulness been mixed up with supressing sad emotions – and where do we draw the line between self-improvement and self-pity?  


[ Save To My Favourites ](/user/login?destination=/markdownify/node/17346)

 

 



 

 

 

 

The British are famously adept at bottling things up. But while much has been publicised in recent years about how our ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality is negatively affecting men’s mental health (75% of all suicides in England are male and it’s the biggest killer of men under 50), women are feeling the pressure to hold back their emotions too – and not just in male-dominated workplaces.  
  
As Dr Mark Winwood, Director of Psychological Services at [AXA PPP healthcare](https://www.axappphealthcare.co.uk) explains, the myth that ‘boys don’t cry’ is one of the world’s most pervasive gender stereotypes, and one that’s affecting *all* genders. “From a young age, boys are taught to be ‘brave’,” he said. “Evolutionarily speaking, this is because men were protectors, but it has now translated into a general modern belief that showing emotion is a sign of weakness.”  
  
But it’s a belief with no basis in science. Research shows women are bigger criers than men (it’s estimated we cry [five times more per year](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-do-we-cry-the-science-of-tears-9741287.html) and are over [four times as likely](https://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2061242-2,00.html) to cry in public spaces, like the office), yet we’re categorically the [‘stronger’ sex](http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/7b6484fb-3b00-46d6-a557-ac2a0b6f8591). “Pretty much at every age, women seem to survive better,” [says Steven Austad](http://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jun/11/the-weaker-sex-science-that-shows-women-are-stronger-than-men), an international expert on ageing and chair of the biology department at the University of Alabama, who has found women across the world to be more “robust” than men, and that they have been since records began.

 

 

 

 

So why is welling up seen as weak? Humans cry for myriad reasons – studies suggest it played an evolutionary role: a means of displaying vulnerability or submission to an ensuing attacker; some [psychologists](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-do-we-cry-the-science-of-tears-9741287.html) believe it’s a complex primal call-out, a form of non-verbal communication to elicit help from those around you, others theorise it’s a form of self-soothing (crying releases a natural painkiller, raises mood-boosting endorphin levels and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps people relax) – but, essentially, it’s a physical response to an emotional stimulus. And with our patriarchal system long placing undue importance on traditionally ‘masculine’ traits – order, structure and action over sensitive, passive reception – it’s no wonder the ‘feminine’ act of crying has been labelled as feeble.

 

 

 If happiness is the purpose of life, what happens when you’re unhappy? Happiness is like cotton candy. It’s just not going to do the job.  
 

 



  Jordan Peterson  
 

 



 

 

 

 

It’s also down to the way emotions are classed in our culture: some good, some bad. On one hand, the positive psychology movement is soaring; passionate leaders – from politicians to today’s greatest minds and entrepreneurs – are lauded; [emotional intelligence](https://sheerluxe.com/2017/10/26/10-ways-be-more-emotionally-intelligent) (EI) – a term that first surged in popularity during the 1990s, encompassing everything from the way we listen, communicate and resolve conflict – is once again garnering significant attention (studies have even suggested EI plays a greater role than IQ when it comes to career success). Emotions, when managed and harnessed, are seen to play a key role in the quest for achievement and order.  
  
On the other, they’re a source of chaos, or ‘yang’ in Taoist terms: it’s taboo to cry in the office; uncouth to grieve in public; embarrassing; dating suicide amongst Gen Y-ers to ‘catch feelings’ early on in relationships, should their fondness be unrequited. We often act as if ‘negative’ or ‘inconvenient’ emotions are setbacks to be pushed down or avoided instead of – as traditional Taoist flow and Buddhist mindfulness both teach – sensations to simply experience.  
  
But as the world is discovering, when the pursuit of happiness is pushed as a life goal, failure is inevitable – and the ensuing lack of purpose is dangerous. Clinical psychologist and academic Jordan Peterson has linked the trend of adopting an ironic, hipsterish nihilism; a ‘who cares the least wins’ attitude, (see: the majority of [millennial memes](http://www.salon.com/2018/02/10/why-millennials-are-making-memes-about-wanting-to-die/)) not only to rising suicide rates in young people, but to a worrying [rise in voter apathy](http://fortune.com/2018/09/23/threat-democracy-apathy/) and even violent extremism.  
  
“It’s all very well to think the meaning of life is happiness, but what happens when you’re unhappy?” [he asks](http://www.theguardian.com/global/2018/jan/21/jordan-peterson-self-help-author-12-steps-interview). “Happiness is a great side effect. But it’s fleeting and unpredictable. It’s not something to aim at – because it’s not an aim. And if happiness is the purpose of life, what happens when you’re unhappy? Then you’re a failure. And perhaps a suicidal failure. Happiness is like cotton candy. It’s just not going to do the job.”  
  
As for what we *should* all be striving for? Peterson, a major subscriber to Nietzschean theory, believes we should instead embrace tragedy – having courage to shoulder the burden of it, looking after your family and community in the face of it, and aiming to find meaning within it.  
  
Agree or not, it's certainly something to consider next time you find yourself holding back tears during a difficult moment (and as good excuse as any for letting yourself feel all the feels when this year’s John Lewis Christmas advert comes on).

 

 

 

 

  

## *more from*

### Life



 [View All Life](/life) 

  ![Your December Horoscope](https://media.sheerluxe.com/DItNYr8xLEkFwB0HLUn6llPyftY=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F10%2Fsl-011025-site-assets-horoscopes-hero-thumb.jpg?itok=SbqV-ogK)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  01 December 2025  

 [##  Your December Horoscope  


 

 ](/life/your-december-horoscope-4) 

 

 

 

  ![An M&S Flower Launch You Need To Know About](https://media.sheerluxe.com/0x2UNKOqVeLaNnbsnYB4FGLopc4=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F12%2Fsl-site-assets-011225-thumb-com-ms-flowers.jpg?itok=0PDXFh1u)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  01 December 2025  

 [##  An M&amp;S Flower Launch You Need To Know About  


 

 ](/life/an-ms-flower-launch-you-need-to-know-about) 

 

 

 

  ![A Day In The Life Of A BAFTA-Award Winning Writer-Actress ](https://media.sheerluxe.com/0ErUTwRTgfqEFcN4Xjkals2nUz0=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F11%2Fsl-site-assets-191125-thumb-hero-interview-nicole-lecky.jpg?itok=f4DBwY6c)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  19 November 2025  

 [##  A Day In The Life Of A BAFTA-Award Winning Writer-Actress  


 

 ](/life/nicole-lecky) 

 

 

 

  ![Your November Horoscope](https://media.sheerluxe.com/uy2n-HAGa_bUbJRGeiDpHaRV9h4=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F10%2Fhorocopes-hero-thumb.jpg?itok=sweR5Gin)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  03 November 2025  

 [##  Your November Horoscope  


 

 ](/life/your-november-horoscope-3) 

 

 

 

  ![How Adopting A Pet Can Change 2 Lives](https://media.sheerluxe.com/PAwYrWsfW8Pu6uAXfZwsg-EmIlI=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F10%2Fpetare-portrait-hero-hr.jpg?itok=07Jvj0sj)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  22 October 2025  

 [##  How Adopting A Pet Can Change 2 Lives  


 

 ](/life/how-adopting-a-pet-can-change-2-lives) 

 

 

 

  ![Go Behind The Scenes At Our Sukkot Lunch](https://media.sheerluxe.com/M0hy53QXhuiSDVlmKgbdfpnPdak=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F10%2Fsl-151025-sukkot-lunch-thumb.jpg?itok=AopiPR8H)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  15 October 2025  

 [##  Go Behind The Scenes At Our Sukkot Lunch  


 

 ](/life/go-behind-the-scenes-at-our-sukkot-lunch) 

 

 

 

  ![Your December Horoscope](https://media.sheerluxe.com/DItNYr8xLEkFwB0HLUn6llPyftY=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F10%2Fsl-011025-site-assets-horoscopes-hero-thumb.jpg?itok=SbqV-ogK)

  

 

 



 

[Life](/life)

/

  01 October 2025  

 [##  Your October Horoscope  


 

 ](/life/your-october-horoscope-5) 

 

 

 

  ![8 Thoughtful Gift Ideas For Older Relatives & Friends](https://media.sheerluxe.com/0kmT517DBBlNYu5KGXGye8gtLnQ=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F09%2Fsl-gold-150925-site-assets-gifting-thumb.jpg?itok=kRLMY4kZ)

  

 

 



 

 [Life](/gold/life)/

  15 September 2025  

 [##  8 Thoughtful Gift Ideas For Older Relatives &amp; Friends  


 

 ](/life/8-thoughtful-gift-ideas-for-older-relatives-friends) 

 

 

 

  ![The Name To Know For Sophisticated & Compassionate Care In Later Life ](https://media.sheerluxe.com/ExxwhSEbX-WY5sHl3sEbpuGnPhY=/200x267/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsites%2Fsheerluxe%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2025%2F09%2Fsl-gold-150925-site-assets-kyn-comm-thumb.jpg?itok=zfYPm91c)

  

 

 



 

 [Life](/gold/life)/

  15 September 2025  

 [##  The Name To Know For Sophisticated &amp; Compassionate Care In Later Life  


 

 ](/life/the-name-to-know-for-sophisticated-compassionate-care-in-later-life) 

 

 

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 



  

 Share This Story

 [Facebook

 ](https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?display=popup&redirect_uri=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com&u=https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Flife%2Fhow-crying-could-actually-make-you-happier&t=How+Crying+Could+Actually+Make+You+Happier) [ Pinterest

 ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Flife%2Fhow-crying-could-actually-make-you-happier&description=How+Crying+Could+Actually+Make+You+Happier&media=) [ E-mail

 ](<mailto:?subject=How Crying Could Actually Make You Happier&body=Hi%0A%0AI&#039;ve just read this article https://sheerluxe.com/life/how-crying-could-actually-make-you-happier and thought you might like it, too.%0A%0ASheerLuxe is your in-the-know friend keeping you up to date with everything new in fashion, beauty, culture, lifestyle %26 home.%0A%0AYou can sign up for the FREE daily newsletter here. https%3A%2F%2Fsheerluxe.com%2Fsignup%3Fseed%3Dsharing%26utm_source%3DWebsite%26utm_medium%3DSL%26utm_campaign%3DEmail%26utm_id%3DSharing>) 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: We endeavour to always credit the correct original source of every image we use. If you think a credit may be incorrect, please contact us at <info@sheerluxe.com>.

 

 

 

  ##  Fashion. Beauty. Culture. Life. Home 

###  Delivered to your inbox, daily 

 [Subscribe](/signup)