Expert Tips For Good, Safe Sex At University
CONSENT
What constitutes ‘consent’?
“Enthusiastic consent refers to the presence of a ‘yes’ rather than the absence of a ‘no’. This can be expressed verbally or through nonverbal cues – such as positive body language like smiling, maintaining eye contact and nodding. However, it’s important to remember that these cues alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are additional details that may reflect giving consent. Remember that someone has the right to withdraw or change their consent at any time, even if midway through a sexual act.” – Annabelle Knight, sex & relationship expert at Lovehoney
“To better understand consent, I always reference sexual health resources like SH24 and Brook, which are perfect for those at university.” – Samantha Marshall, head of brand at Smile Makers
How do you talk about boundaries?
“Start a conversation about your sexual experiences so far and what you hope to explore or achieve moving forward. Give your partner some background so they understand where you're coming from. If you haven’t been intimate with someone before or prefer to take things slowly for any reason, they should be compassionate about your current feelings. Opening up this dialogue early on helps align your expectations. Feeling pressured is a major red flag. Never feel obligated to give in to physical advances you're uncomfortable with, especially if someone is using pressure or emotional manipulation. Observing how your partner respects your boundaries can be a strong indicator of trust and mutual respect. Set the tone by always seeking consent before engaging in any sexual activity. This establishes a healthy precedent that your partner should follow when they want to initiate intimacy with you. If setting boundaries leads to losing a partner, know that you're better off without them. There's always someone else out there who is equally attractive, but also kind and respectful. Make time to talk about safe sex. It does not kill the vibe to discuss protection – it’s sexy for you both to show your respect for each other and your own health.” – Samantha
What about when alcohol is involved?
“Safety always needs to be the top priority. If there is any doubt in anyone’s mind that their partner is not able to give complete and enthusiastic consent due to alcohol or drugs, it is far better to forget any sexual activity until this can be given. Never pressure or coerce; respect all boundaries given.” – Annabelle
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CONTRACEPTION
Is there a way to know which option is best for you?
“The best kind is the one that works for the person who is taking it. Hormonal contraceptives are incredibly reliable when administered and taken properly – with choices ranging from a pill that is taken daily to an implant that is placed in the arm and lasts for three years. Students should have an in-depth conversation with their doctor to find the best option for them.” – Annabelle
“Options depend on the individual's preference and ability to be consistent. Methods not requiring much thought are most reliable as the failure rate is low. Good examples are long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARCs) these are the nexplanon (rod in the arm), copper coil (non-hormonal) and Mirena coil (hormonal). I usually signpost patients to Bedsider.org. It’s excellent at brief reviews and grouping contraceptions into things like ‘most effective’, ‘privacy’, and ‘improved periods’, with an option to compare side by side.” – Dr Alexis Missick, UK Meds
What’s the best way to access it?
“It's available free of charge through the NHS. Students can visit their pharmacy, GP, local sexual health clinic, or an NHS walk-in centre for free contraception and STI testing. Many universities also have health centres on campus that provide these services. In England, a pharmacist can initiate and repeat supplies of oral pills in addition to providing advice. For those looking for other options, pharmacists can direct students to the nearest appropriate service.” – George Sandhu, deputy pharmacy superintendent at Well Pharmacy
“Most universities have student health centres which provide low cost or sometimes free options – think condoms, emergency contraception or contraceptive pills, as well as sexual health advice and STI testing.”– Mo Carrier, sexual wellness expert & founder of MyBliss condoms
Are condoms always necessary?
“It’s important to remember that nothing is 100% effective, and that hormonal methods don’t protect against sexually transmitted infections. Always use condoms.” – Annabelle
“Condoms are great. They allow both partners, regardless of anatomy, to equally share the responsibility. Top tip: condoms can be turned into dental dams for use during oral sex too.” – Samantha
“Condoms, when used correctly, are considered one of the most reliable methods of contraception for sexually active university students, largely due to the dual protection they offer. They not only prevent pregnancy but also protect against STIs, which is important for students who may have multiple or new partners. Condoms are readily available, inexpensive, and require no prescription, making them accessible for students. Using condoms which prioritise female health – and that aren’t spermicide lubricated – can also help protect against vaginal and urinary infections as they maintain the delicate pH balance.” – Mo Carrier
And what happens if the condom breaks?
“Condoms breaking is very rare – around one in every 250 condoms breaks and this is usually due to them being past their expiry date, not stored in a cool, dark place, being put on incorrectly, or not using/using the wrong kind of lube. If this does happen though, emergency contraception can be taken within three to five days of having unprotected sex.” – Mo
“In an ideal situation, you would know the health status of every one of your sexual partners. In the real world, these conversations don’t always happen prior to sex. If you discover that a condom has broken or you forgot to use one, it’s important to get the awkwardness out of the way and have an honest conversation about STIs. If your partner has one, you will be able to take action sooner and speak to your doctor. If there is a risk of pregnancy, it is important to take the morning-after pill as soon as you can.” – Annabelle
"If contraception is forgotten or fails, such as a condom breaking, students should take action as soon as possible. Emergency contraception (the morning-after pill) is an option within a certain time frame after unprotected sex. Students should also consider visiting a sexual health clinic for advice on STI testing, and ensure that they use condoms in future encounters to reduce the risk of both pregnancy and infections." – Suzanne Wylie, GP and medical adviser for IQ doctor
“An additional point to remember is if you’ve been having sex for half an hour and aren’t ready to stop – change the condom. Friction weakens the condom, increasing the chances of a break. Under 30 minutes and you’re fine. Over 30 minutes and it’s best to play it safe.” – Dr Bhavini Shah GP & online doctor at Lloyds Pharmacy
PLEASURE
Is there a way to start a conversation about pleasure?
“Even as conversations around sex become more accepted and normalised, it can still feel awkward or uncomfortable to talk about preferences and desires, but these conversations are an essential part of building a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Start by choosing a comfortable setting and commit to using clear and direct language. You may find it useful to start slowly with less sensitive topics and gradually delve into more intimate details.” – Annabelle
“Talk about pleasure and what it means to you. Communicate your likes and dislikes, how you like to be touched, what helps bring you to climax (women often prioritise comfort over pleasure when it comes to sex with a man, we deserve both). Continuously check in with each other on how something feels.” – Samantha
What about if you don’t want to offend them?
“Keep it positive. Frame feedback positively. Instead of ‘not like that’ try ‘I love it when you do this’. It creates a more encouraging and pleasurable experience for both of you.” – Samantha
“Begin by acknowledging what you enjoy about your current experiences together, as this sets a positive tone and makes it easier to introduce new topics. Using ‘I’ statements can help express your feelings without placing blame, for example ‘I feel more connected when...’ instead of ‘You never...’. Open-ended questions such as ‘what are some things you’ve been thinking about trying?’ can also help, as they encourage a two-way dialogue and encourage your partner to share their thoughts without feeling pressured.” – Mo
What about casual sex – is there a healthy way to navigate this?
“Navigating casual sex in a university setting can be a complex experience, especially as it may be the first time someone is partaking in sex outside of a relationship. It's important to approach these encounters with a healthy emotional balance and a focus on positive experiences; always be honest with yourself and your partner about your intentions, and communicate openly about your feelings, desires and boundaries. Always prioritise consent and protect yourself by using condoms and other forms of contraception – never let a potential partner push or coerce you into having sex without protection. Don’t forget to look after your emotional health by practising self-care and talking to a friend or counsellor about how you’re feeling. Set clear personal boundaries from the start and stick with them, even if that means going home alone one night. Your priority, first and foremost, should be yourself.” – Annabelle
Finally, how do you alleviate anxiety about performance or body image?
“Feeling anxious or unsure about sexual performance or body image is a common – and completely normal – concern among students. It often stems from unrealistic expectations or societal pressures, but it’s important to understand that everyone is unique – especially in the bedroom. A healthy sexual relationship is built on mutual understanding, and discussing any anxieties can lead to reassurance and collaborative exploration of what feels good for both parties. Confronting body image concerns involves developing a positive and realistic self-image. It can be helpful to challenge negative self-talk and instead focus on aspects of yourself that you appreciate. Understanding that sexual satisfaction and performance are not solely determined by physical appearance, but by the quality of connection and communication can shift focus from appearance to pleasure. If these feelings persist and significantly impact your wellbeing, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial. Therapists and counsellors can provide strategies to manage anxiety and improve self-esteem and offer a safe space to explore and address underlying issues.” – Mo
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