15 Important Things Every Working Mother Should Know
15 Important Things Every Working Mother Should Know
Image: @TOBI.ASARE
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15 Important Things Every Working Mother Should Know

Author, entrepreneur and founder of My Bump Pay, Tobi Asare, has become a champion of working women – especially when it comes to navigating the realities of motherhood and career progression. From rejecting the balance myth to building the right support systems, she believes working parents need to focus less on perfection and more on creating a blended approach that works for them. Here, she shares everything she's learned about managing family life without losing yourself…
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Image: @TOBI.ASARE

First, balance doesn’t really exist. My biggest mindset shift happened when I accepted this. Things won't ever be perfectly aligned at home and at work at the same time – and that's okay. Life happens in phases. There will be periods when you need to lean more into family life and others when your career takes precedence. The key is recognising which season you're in and giving yourself permission to embrace it.

You have to know yourself. Allow yourself to grow and change, but stay true to your core. One of the biggest mistakes mothers make is losing themselves completely in parenting. Your children are a huge part of your life but they shouldn't be your entire identity. Continue investing in the things that make you you – whether that’s your ambitions, interests, friendships or wellbeing. 

Professional success comes with personal trade-offs. You can absolutely build the life and career you want but every decision comes with trade-offs. The key is understanding what those trade-offs are and being comfortable with them. There will be seasons when family takes priority and others when your career requires more from you. Neither is wrong. What matters is making choices that align with your values and the needs of your family at that particular moment.

Things may not always happen in the timeframe you expected but courage and consistency will take you a long way.

Patience is key. Nothing about my own journey has happened overnight. Progress is built through consistency, resilience and a willingness to keep going, even when things don't feel linear. There have been periods of momentum and times when I've found the courage to pivot.

A lot of the work is internal. By that I mean rebuilding your confidence, challenging self-doubt and silencing comparison. Remember that you are capable. Things may not always happen in the timeframe you expected but courage and consistency will take you a long way, both in parenting and in your career. You have to face the changes head on. One of the hardest parts of motherhood is acknowledging that you have changed. Often, we haven't had an honest conversation with ourselves about what we want now versus what we wanted before children.

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It takes time to recalibrate. Don't put pressure on yourself to return to work at 100% from day one. Instead, use this period as an opportunity to gain a fresh perspective, listen, learn and reassess what matters most. Don't fall into the trap of saying yes to everything to prove yourself. Success isn't about doing more; it's about focusing on the things that create the greatest impact while maintaining healthy boundaries. Focus on becoming the next version of yourself, rather than trying to get back to who you were before.

Too much power is often given to guilt. And it's an emotion that rarely leads to anything productive. What can be useful is understanding where that guilt is coming from. Often, it's tied to other people's expectations of how we should parent, rather than the reality of our own situation. Recognise it, learn from it if necessary, then consciously shift your focus towards something more constructive.

You will feel stretched. Both work and parenting are demanding. Parenting isn't a part-time job – it's a 24/7 responsibility – so it's normal to feel overwhelmed at times. What matters is recognising when you're approaching burnout and having people you can lean on. Signs you're expecting too much of yourself can include tension headaches, irritability, extreme fatigue, low energy and a persistent feeling of overwhelm. While these can be part of modern life from time to time, if they're showing up consistently, it's worth asking what needs to change.

It’s best to take things day-by-day. This is something I say to everyone. You can only give your best to each day and some days you'll simply have more to give than others. When you stop expecting the same version of yourself every day, you create far more breathing room.

There's no doubt that once children enter the picture, you need to be more intentional about your job.

Career progression requires a strategic approach. There's no doubt that once children enter the picture, you need to be more intentional about your job. That often means being more vocal about your ambitions, ensuring you have the right support systems in place and recognising when you need help. I've seen women whose careers have expanded after becoming mothers and others who have found it incredibly challenging. That's why it's important to think proactively about potential obstacles and how you'll navigate them. Whether that's working with a coach, building a strong support network at home or finding advocates at work, it's absolutely possible to continue building a successful career while raising a family.

Weekly planning can be helpful. I plan my week around the different hats I wear – work, fitness, parenting and friendships. I'll schedule workouts, walks and key work priorities, but I'll also carve out time for my husband and intentionally plan moments with my children that aren't just about logistics. My husband does the same and we regularly sync diaries so we're both aware of what's coming up. Having that visibility removes a significant amount of mental load.

No one can do everything all the time. You have to identify the things that will genuinely move you forward each day or week and prioritise those. At home, that might mean getting a critical load of laundry done so the week runs smoothly. At work, it might mean completing the one project that will have the biggest impact. Everything else needs to be prioritised around those essentials. Let go of the pressure to do it all because nobody does it all – and certainly not all at once. The most successful people delegate and build strong teams around them. Parenting should be approached in much the same way. Identify the systems that will make life easier. If you want to achieve something meaningful, it's very difficult to do it alone. Asking for help isn't a weakness – it's often the smartest thing you can do.

The bigger picture is what matters. When it comes to sharing responsibilities at home, start by asking what you're trying to achieve as a household and what roles each of you need to play to make that happen. From there, you can discuss the practicalities, responsibilities and inevitable compromises. Most importantly, revisit those conversations regularly. Life changes quickly and what worked six months ago may not now.

Motherhood doesn’t mean scaling back ambition. For many women, motherhood becomes a period of reassessment rather than retreat. Some discover they're even more ambitious than before. While motherhood often requires different systems and support structures, that doesn't mean women want to walk away from everything they've built. In fact, I've seen countless women become more resilient, resourceful and ambitious because of motherhood.

There are no rigid parenting rules. Any rule that says you must do something a certain way should be taken with a pinch of salt. Every family is different, every child is different and every parenting journey is different. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to adapt. The way you parent will evolve over time – and that's exactly as it should be.

Follow @TOBI.ASARE

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