How To Look After Your Children On Social Media

Delay Social Media As Long As Possible

“Most platforms – including Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat – require users to be at least 13. But Australia may be onto something with its recent decision to ban phones for under-16s. While education – teaching young people how to manage their social media use – is a large part of the conversation, unfortunately it may not be enough on its own. The algorithms are simply too powerful. If fully grown adults struggle to resist the pull of endless scrolling, what chance do teenagers have? By the age of 16, young people have had a chance to develop deeper focus, a growing engagement with books, ideas and culture, and a growing awareness that what we see on social media is often a curated façade. This foundation of confidence and self-awareness is what they need before stepping into the hyper-connected world of social media.” – Jane Basnett, director of digital learning at Downe House

Model The Behaviour You Want To See

“We all know kids learn more from what we do than what we say. So, if we’re asking them to be mindful of their phone use while we’re scrolling emails or replying to DMs at the dinner table, it creates friction. I used to get, “But you're always on your phone,” and they weren’t wrong. Now, I try to do most of my work from my laptop, at my desk in a professional setting. If I do need to be on my phone, I’ll tell them what I’m doing and why. For example, if we’re out and I need to reply to an emergency with a client, I’ll say, “This’ll take me five minutes, then I’m all yours.” Being transparent has helped my kids understand the difference between intentional use and mindless scrolling, and it’s created more respect all round.” – Elizabeth Walker, recovery & life coach

Co-Create The Rules

“Boundaries aren’t about controlling someone else’s behaviour; they are about owning our own. Rather than imposing screen-time limits, which usually leads to pushback, invite your kids into the process. In my house, I sat down with my two teenage daughters, shared my concerns openly, and asked which boundaries they felt would support their wellbeing. Together, we came up with agreements that made sense to all of us. This doesn’t mean letting them call all the shots, it means creating a structure everyone understands and feels part of. When young people feel part of the decision-making, they’re far more likely to respect the boundaries and hold themselves accountable.” – Elizabeth 

Foster Open Conversations

“One of the most important things you can do as a parent is keep an open dialogue around social media and the trends that emerge. To understand their world, regularly check in with your teen about their online activity and the apps they use. Ask your child to show you their favourite apps, so you can familiarise yourself with how they work and see the features they use. Remember teenagers don’t respond well to control, so get alongside them and ask them what they think. When children are little, they tell you everything – as they grow into teens we have to keep the connection. Be unshockable, educate yourself about their world, and try to be open minded, so they aren’t frightened to tell you if something has gone wrong. Show you trust them to do the right thing and show curiosity not judgement about what they do online. We can’t keep our children safe from everything, but we can encourage conversation, build resilience and help them grow.” – Coral Garlick, teen & family psychologist 

Don’t Rely On Parental Controls

“While parental control tools can be helpful, they shouldn't be solely relied upon. They can create a false sense of security. More crucial is modelling responsible social media behaviour yourself and involving your child in setting boundaries. Ask for their input on acceptable limits and work together to create rules they can uphold. By empowering them in the decision-making process, you foster a sense of responsibility and cooperation.” – Coral 

Encourage A Cut-Off Ritual

“A simple, shared ritual can work wonders. One family I coach agreed that at 8pm each evening, everyone turns off their phone’s wi-fi and places it in a communal basket. If someone’s out, a parent leaves their wi-fi on in case of emergencies, but the phone stays in the basket. As soon as the child returns home, their phone joins the others and the wi-fi goes off. To prevent FOMO or anxiety about being unreachable, the kids update their statuses to: “Offline – call if urgent.” This isn’t about restriction; it’s about reclaiming a few hours for connection, calm and presence. It didn’t take long for the family to notice better sleep, more meaningful conversations, and a general lightness in the evening atmosphere.” – Elizabeth 

Keep Gaming Consoles In The Living Room

“The current conversation is focused on social media, but don’t forget about consoles. A recent study found 89% of kids say they are regularly playing games, with 25% admitting to chatting to strangers while playing. Keep consoles in communal areas to monitor your child’s interactions. Bedrooms should be reserved for sleep, not unsupervised online interactions late at night.” – Louisa Kiwana Olafuyi, COO & founder of Kunda Kids

Implement The 3Cs Rule

“Teach children to evaluate their online activities through three simple questions: Is this content appropriate? Should I be in contact with this person? Is my conduct kind and safe? This straightforward framework helps children make better digital decisions independently. The digital landscape is constantly evolving, and so must our approach to keeping children safe online. By fostering open communication and building digital literacy skills, we can help children navigate online spaces more safely while maintaining their independence and confidence.” – Kate Turner, head of Ofsted  & safeguarding at Explore Learning

Stay Engaged

“Stay curious with your kids – ask them what they’re seeing, doing and watching online. It’s like the digital version of sitting down to watch cartoons together when they were younger. Be there to answer questions – ask who they’re a fan of and who they follow. Join parent groups, talk to teachers, and sit beside your kids as they play online, asking them about their favourite Minecraft build, YouTuber or TikTok dance. Let them know you’re in it with them, not just watching from the sidelines.” – Louisa

Look For Warning Signs

“If you notice a shift in your child's mood, behaviour or attitudes, it's always worth considering whether something online might be influencing the change. It could be as simple as them trying to eat less or exercise more, and becoming panicked or frustrated if they can't. Or you might notice a deeper shift—they seem more anxious or low in mood and no longer find joy in activities they once loved. They may also withdraw from offline friendships or become more isolated. While it's normal for young people to discuss world events, if they start expressing more extreme views about certain groups – ones that feel out of character – you might question where those ideas are coming from. Hopefully, if open conversations about the positives and negatives of social media are already part of your routine, it'll be easier to talk about these changes.” – Dr Richard Graham, consultant psychiatrist at The Soke

Stay Positive

“The media is quick to discuss the negative side of social media, but there are more positive aspects, and we shouldn’t forget they do exist. Social media can be a creative outlet – a place to connect with others, to learn, explore identity, and even to find community. It’s not all darkness and anger – there’s light in the digital world too.” – Jane 

Smartphone Free Childhood: What started as a WhatsApp group formed by two mums concerned about online safety has grown into the UK’s leading campaign for kids to enjoy a phone-free childhood. Sign the Parent Pact, find your local community and get involved at SMARTPHONEFREECHILDHOOD.CO.UK 

The Common Parent: Follow @THECOMMONPARENT on Instagram for insightful parenting advice; listen to the podcast; and sign up to its Screen Sense Guide, an online platform with access to 15 video lessons on teaching kids appropriate social etiquette and setting boundaries. 

Kove Minds: A family run, private mental health clinic with a specialist service for children and their families. Visit KOVEMINDS.COM

Sarah Ockwell-Smith: Bestselling parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s latest book, How To Raise A Teen, discusses the issue of teens and screens in a gentle, more nuanced way, among other important conversations. Visit SARAHOCKWELL-SMITH.COM

Visit KUNDAKIDS.COM, THEEMPOWERMENTWARRIOR.COM, CORALGARLICK.CO.UK, THESOKE.UK & DOWNEHOUSE.NET