4 Mothers Explain How They Parent A Child With ADHD

We adopted our daughter when she was a few months old. We knew there may be some developmental challenges due to her background, but we were diving into the unknown. Early on, certain behaviours raised concerns. She showed signs of anxiety from a young age, but as first-time parents we weren’t sure what was ‘normal’. Starting nursery at 18 months was particularly tough. Separation anxiety was intense, but it only escalated from there. The toddler years proved challenging. She started refusing nursery, becoming easily frustrated and having frequent tantrums. We knew it wasn’t typical behaviour, but we felt lost and unsupported. Sleep deprivation compounded the struggles. From around the age of three, she’d wake up every night between 3am and 5am, wide awake. It was exhausting for everyone. 

The turning point came when she was five. I reached out to the GP, mentioning the adoption. The GP immediately referred us to the CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for assessment of potential autism and ADHD. However, the relief of professional help was tempered by the reality of long waiting lists. The lead time for assessment was two years. I felt desperate. We couldn’t cope with the situation, and we knew we needed to find ways to support our daughter.

Driven by a desire to find answers, I began researching the role of nutrition in ADHD. I stumbled upon nutrigenomics, which looks at how genes interact with nutrients. We had our daughter tested and discovered that a gene involved in melatonin production wasn’t functioning correctly – no wonder she couldn’t sleep. Armed with this information, I started supplementing her diet with targeted nutrients and the results were astonishing – she started sleeping through the night. 

Managing her anxiety is challenging. Eventually, a formal diagnosis of autism and ADHD came through. In the interim, we also learned about PDA – pathological demand avoidance – a profile within autism where ordinary demands trigger extreme anxiety and stress. Having this knowledge changed everything. Understanding PDA allowed us to adapt our parenting style. We constantly have to anticipate potential triggers and pre-empt reactions or meltdowns. Practical measures help reduce stress – she loves routine and likes to know what’s going to happen in advance. We also talk a lot about feelings and her ‘stress buckets’ to assess her levels of anxiety. We ask her what she’s worried about, and we pretend to ‘empty’ the bucket – usually on my head or feet. Humour is important in our house to dissipate a stressful situation.

Sleep and nutrition are paramount. We ensure she gets enough sleep and eats regularly. Low blood sugar really impacts her mood and behaviour. She becomes very angry when she’s hungry, but finds it hard to communicate that. We supplement her diet with high-quality, well-researched supplements, which have been a game-changer. 

For a long time, I wasn’t great at looking after my mental health. Then I realised, as a nutritionist advising my clients how to take care of themselves, that it was time to take my own advice. I try and incorporate small acts of self-care – it could be carving out time to read while my husband runs our daughter a bath, or a guided meditation. Just ten minutes to myself has transformed how I handle my daughter’s emotions. I don’t get triggered so much, which helps us all. 

Do what feels right for your family. At the end of the day, you know your child best. Don’t feel afraid to experiment. Some things won’t work – each child with ADHD is unique – but others will. 

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I knew Cassidy was different from a young age. He would scream for hours for no reason, and I became known as ‘the woman with the screaming child’. He hated sitting in his buggy – if he wasn’t trying to escape from that, he was escaping from home or even school. I was constantly getting calls and having to leave work to deal with him. He was diagnosed with autism when he was five, but even then things didn’t get any easier. Years later, when Cassidy was 14, we finally got the ADHD diagnosis, and suddenly things started to make sense. 

I was initially uncomfortable about the idea of medication. I couldn’t wrap my head around giving my child something so strong. But now, I get it. It’s not about fixing him, it’s about giving him the tools to manage. His mind is so active that, without it, he sometimes doesn’t sleep for two or three days straight. 

Parenting a child with ADHD can feel relentless. Simple things like getting dressed in the morning can turn into a full-blown war. I’ve had to learn to pick my battles because, if I don’t, every single moment becomes a fight, and that’s not sustainable. It’s also incredibly isolating. People don’t understand what it’s like, and the judgment is exhausting. I’ve heard it all: “There’s no such thing as ADHD,” or “You’re too soft,” or “They just need more discipline.” It’s lonely but, at the same time, I’ve had to find strength in that isolation.

Cassidy’s lack of filter can lead to funny situations. Recently, when I complimented a friend on her appearance, he exclaimed, “Why are you lying to her?” Moments like that are tough, but they’re also a reminder of his unique way of seeing the world. When it comes to handling his emotions, I try to stay calm and give him space to express himself, even if it’s messy. I’ve learned to look deeper, recognising that sometimes the screaming isn’t about what he’s saying – it’s about something he can’t articulate. 

Consistency is key. Cassidy thrives when he knows what to expect, so I try to keep a routine as much as possible. Even little things like having set times for meals or bedtimes help (even if he doesn’t sleep). I also try to keep things simple – too many choices or instructions can overwhelm him. The biggest lesson is picking my battles. If he doesn’t want to wear matching socks or eats breakfast an hour later than planned, it’s okay. Saving my energy for the big stuff – like getting him to school safely – is what keeps me sane. 

Kids with ADHD aren’t naughty. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD I wish people understood. Trust me, it’s not about bad parenting or a lack of discipline. Another myth is that medication is some kind of easy fix – it’s not. It’s a tool, but it doesn’t magically make everything better. 

Be kind to yourself. Whatever stage of the ADHD journey you’re at with your child, take it at your own pace. Don’t let people’s opinions get to you. Most of them have no idea what they’re talking about. Find people who do understand, and remember that every child is different – it will take time to figure out what works for yours. 

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Alastair was always a high-energy boy. We even had to catch him running around the house to blow out his first birthday candle. But by the time he was seven, I began to wonder if his ‘endless motor’ might have an explanation. My husband and I were hesitant to jump to conclusions, mindful of the fact many young boys are naturally active. The pandemic, however, brought about a dramatic shift and highlighted Alastair’s challenges. The disruption revealed his struggles with school, learning, anxiety and emotional regulation. Home-schooling became an uphill battle, with daily meltdowns leaving my husband and I burnt out. 

The journey to diagnosis was far from straightforward. A friend referred us to a child therapist, which was a lifeline. After working with her for a year, she recommended we get Alastair tested for ADHD. Faced with a lengthy NHS waiting list (currently three to four years), we chose to go private to ensure he received the support he needed quickly, especially with his 11+ exams approaching. However, the route to diagnosis was challenging. Multiple pre-assessment reports, dyslexia tests (as it’s often co-related to ADHD), private psychiatrist appointments and meetings with school staff often felt frustrating. Alastair was masking a lot of his symptoms at school, which made aligning the home and school feedback difficult, a crucial part of the diagnostic process. We finally paid for a second private assessment and diagnosis at the end of last year.

I’ve learned to pick my battles. Alastair’s diagnosis has meant a huge shift in my parenting style. I’ve had to de-programme from my innate parenting toolkit and resist the urge to always correct or ‘teach’ in the moment. When a meltdown happens, I try to focus on helping him regulate and calm down. Explanations or trying to teach in that moment is pointless, so we deal with the storm first and then work things out after. 

Routines and structure have been invaluable. Alastair gets anxious about time and being late – and transitioning between activities can be a meltdown trigger. I’ve found time cubes, alarms and reminders helpful – setting the clock and saying, “Ten minutes until we get our shoes on”, or “15 minutes of TV time before dinner.” A whiteboard in his room helps him anticipate daily schedules and I use a physical morning checklist to help him check off daily tasks, so I’m not constantly asking if he’s brushed his teeth or packed his bag. 

Looking after my own mental health is now more important than ever. I suffered with burnout two years ago and started working with a great therapist who I see every two to three weeks. Through my son’s diagnosis, I’ve discovered that I too am very likely to have ADHD and have since noticed things in my own behaviour and the way I work, which I need to approach differently to avoid burning out again. Running my own business gives me a degree of flexibility, so I try to build in elements each week that are good for my mental health, like a Pilates class. 

Try not to get overwhelmed. Find a good therapist who can either help you individually or as a family, because it’s a team effort in understanding the process and adapting your lives to cope and thrive. Our therapist told us that understanding of ADHD is evolving rapidly – a sentiment that reminds everyone this journey requires flexibility and unwavering support for our children. 

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I have two sons with ADHD. My eldest was diagnosed three years ago at the age of ten. Looking back, the signs were all there – he struggled with fidgeting and focus, and often forgot instructions. While intelligent and brimming with creativity, he also wrestled with his emotions, leading to frustration and outbursts. Our youngest, also now ten, is currently going through the diagnostic process. We didn’t notice the flags as early with him. Over the past year, concentration has become a more visible challenge. He often struggles to translate thoughts onto paper, even though his mind is buzzing with ideas. It’s a stark reminder that ADHD manifests differently in each child, even in the same family. 

Navigating the school system has been a major hurdle. Initially, we had our eldest in a private school that struggled to equip him with the right support. Instead of helping him thrive, they labelled him as naughty and used him as a scapegoat for issues in the class. He was ostracised by his peers and left feeling like he didn’t belong. The experience broke him emotionally and mentally; as parents, it left us feeling helpless. Ultimately, we made the decision to move him to another private school, one that better understood his needs and had support systems in place for children with learning difficulties. It was a private diagnosis that helped us get to this point – it was an expensive route, but it gave us the clarity we needed. 

Knowledge is power. Educating myself about ADHD has been hugely beneficial. I took an online King’s College course which I recommend highly. Experts that have helped me along the way include Amber Macintosh and The Key Clinic. All Dogs Have ADHD by Kathy Hoopmann is a lovely book that uses humorous dog photographs to explore ADHD traits, making it accessible for children, while Step by Step Help for Children with ADHD by Cathy Laver-Bradbury and others provides practical advice and strategies.  

Focus on your child’s strengths, not their struggles. ADHD is not a behaviour problem – it’s a neurodevelopmental condition. Instead of constantly correcting behaviour, acknowledge what your child does well – many have incredible strengths as their minds think outside the box. Praise their efforts – it’s about progress, not perfection. We celebrate small wins, like finishing homework without frustration. Children with ADHD often excel in areas they’re passionate about. If they love animals, let them volunteer at a shelter. If they love video games, help them create their own. Following their interests builds confidence and motivation. 

We remind the boys that challenges don’t define them. We help them develop coping skills like deep breathing or mindfulness. We talk about successful people with ADHD, like Richard Branson or Simone Biles. We encourage them to have open conversations about how they feel – without judgment. 

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