The Habits That Keep Sex Alive – And Better Than Ever

“Before you even think about sex, your body needs to feel safe. A five-minute ritual could be the key. Tight breathing, pelvic tension and mental overload all reduce blood flow to the genitals – which directly affects desire, lubrication and orgasm. That’s why I recommend a short decompression window every day. Just five to ten minutes of hip-opening stretches, breathwork or a warm shower can completely shift your state. It’s not about relaxation for its own sake – it’s about making arousal physically possible again. It sounds simple, but I’ve seen women go from completely disconnected to genuinely curious about sex again, just by giving themselves a few minutes to land in their bodies.” – Edel McCann, sexual wellness coach & pelvic health physiotherapist

“Treating intimacy like another task to tick off the to-do list is a fast track to disconnection. I tell women to schedule space instead of sex. That means blocking out 20 minutes a week where no one needs you. No phone, no partner, no pressure. Just you, a closed door and your body. You don’t have to do anything specific. Lie down and breathe, stretch, touch your skin. This isn’t about performance or even masturbation – it’s about tuning in. When women give themselves space to reconnect with their own sensation, desire returns on its own terms. And often, that kind of solo permission ends up re-energising partnered intimacy too.” – Anna Richards, founder of FrolicMe

“Desire doesn’t disappear – it just gets buried under stress and routine. Arousal often starts in the mind and erotica might be your secret weapon. Erotica is especially powerful because there’s no performance – it simply sparks fantasy and curiosity. You’re not trying to respond in a certain way, you’re just letting the imagination lead. And for women navigating hormonal changes, imagination often becomes the spark that lets the body follow.” – Anna

“A major reason desire fades is that women lose touch with their erotic selves. You spend years being needed – as a parent, partner, professional – and forget what it’s like to feel sensual. I suggest creating what I call an erotic anchor: a piece of lingerie, a favourite perfume, a body oil, even a lipstick you wear only to connect with your sensuality. Use it regularly – even on days when sex isn’t happening. It’s a way of reminding your body that pleasure still belongs to you. And over time, that becomes its own kind of arousal training. Desire responds to memory and repetition.” – Marian Martinez, certified sex coach & in-house sex coach at Smile Makers Collection

“One of the most powerful intimacy tools is emotional presence. I encourage couples to sit together daily, even for a minute or two. Make eye contact, place a hand on each other’s chest and say nothing. No phones, no talking, no fixing. That kind of silent, physical presence settles the nervous system and builds emotional safety. This isn’t about having a deep conversation – it’s about showing up. When women feel truly met and seen, their bodies tend to open more easily to pleasure. And in long-term relationships, where roles and routines can take over, this kind of simple connection often makes the biggest difference.” – Lara Raybone, sex expert & women’s wellness practitioner

“In midlife, desire is often responsive, not spontaneous. That means if you wait to feel turned on before initiating, nothing happens. Hormonal shifts change the speed of arousal, but not the potential for it. What works better is starting with physical connection – think touch, kissing and foreplay – and letting desire catch up. Think of it like lighting a fire: the spark might not be instant, but with warmth and attention, it often follows. I always say: stop asking, ‘Why don’t I want sex?’ and start asking, ‘What helps me warm up?’ That shift alone can remove a huge amount of pressure.” – Edel

“Discomfort is one of the biggest reasons sex becomes less enjoyable in midlife, but it’s so often overlooked. Things like bloating, constipation, pelvic floor tension and dryness all interfere with arousal. If your body doesn’t feel good, it won’t respond well to intimacy. Pelvic mobility work is one of the most effective habits I teach. Just a few minutes a day of gentle movement, breathing into the hips and using a pelvic wand or release ball can ease tension and improve circulation. Combine that with proper hydration and a good-quality lubricant, and you change the internal environment drastically. For those struggling with dryness, local oestrogen or moisturisers can be transformative.” – Edel

“Foreplay doesn’t begin when the lights go off – it begins with how connected you feel in everyday life. When couples feel emotionally safe and seen, their physical openness increases. Eye contact, affectionate touch and small acts of kindness throughout the day can all shift your nervous system into a state where desire is even possible. When those tiny moments disappear, it’s common to feel shut down sexually – even if the love is still there. These small acts aren’t about being romantic or seductive – they’re about helping your body feel considered and safe.” – Lara

“The phrase I use constantly is ‘circulation before sensation’. The body needs warmth and blood flow before arousal feels good. That means prioritising foreplay – like massage, breathwork, touch and movement – before jumping to penetration. Especially in midlife, the arousal response is slower and needs more time. And don’t forget – sex doesn’t have to mean penetration. Outer stimulation and extended build-up often lead to better orgasms and less discomfort. This is the perfect time to redefine pleasure in a way that works for your body now.” – Edel

“Spontaneity is overrated. What keeps desire alive in midlife is curiosity. When couples stay open – willing to ask new questions, explore new sensations, try different types of touch – they keep things fresh. Our bodies change, so must our sex lives. Curiosity turns sex from a routine into a discovery. It’s not about ‘doing it right’ – it’s about staying open to what feels good now.” – Anna

“The best sex in midlife isn’t about technique – it’s about presence. Too many couples default to what’s always worked before, but that predictability often numbs sensation. I ask people to slow down, touch without agenda and listen to their bodies in real time. Some days that will mean slow, soulful intimacy. Other days it might be playful or even quiet. When you stop trying to ‘do sex well’ and start tuning into what feels good right now, everything shifts. Pressure drops. Connection deepens. And pleasure starts to feel like something that meets you where you are.” – Lara

“One of the most damaging myths is that sex fades with age. In truth, it evolves and often becomes richer. With less pressure and more self-awareness, pleasure can feel more grounded and more expansive than ever. Midlife sex isn’t about what your body used to do – it’s about what it can do now, when you meet it with kindness and curiosity. Time and again, I see women discover the less they perform, the more they feel – and the better the sex gets.” – Anna

Visit VacationVibesUK.com, FrolicMe.com, SmileMakersCollection.com & follow @LaraRaybone and @PhysioWomanUK on Instagram.

DISCLAIMER: Features published by SheerLuxe are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programme.