How To Ask For Better Sex

How To Ask For Better Sex

A new survey has revealed four in ten British women are unsatisfied with their sex lives – and to make things worse, the research, based on a poll made up of around 7,367 women between the ages of 16 and 64, found the majority aren’t discussing the issue with their partners. So, how can we get ourselves out of this sexual rut we’re wedged in, without offending our other halves? We spoke to Emma Kenny, Killing Kittens’ resident sexpert, to discover her top five tips for getting what you want in the bedroom…

1. Know What You Want

You know what you want in bed, every woman does – it’s just that sometimes, we feel a little embarrassed to ask for it. Figuring out what isn’t quite there for you sexually is the first stage in getting exactly what you want, so get it clear in your head regarding the sex-play you desire. Is it a fantasy that you know your sex life would benefit from, or do you think his oral simply isn’t going to get you to orgasm and you’d like a little mechanical help?

2. Give Him Some Encouragement

A lot of guys have learnt some pretty bad sexual habits along the way. Ask a man if he can make a woman orgasm simply through penetration and he’ll likely tell you yes – when, truth be told, it’s actually very rare. This means they often fail to understand just how much work they need to do with their hands and tongue to help you climax.

The best approach to cure this involves a bit of dirty talk. Give him positive feedback when he’s doing something you like, and when he hits the spot, tell him to keep going – make sure you say ‘there’ when he’s at your most sensitive spot and tell him not to stop.

3. Play Fun & Educational Sex Games

Your man wants to be the best lover you’ve ever had, and that can take some education. Playing a sex game can really ease you into new territory should he be a little lacklustre beneath the sheets. Play a game of ‘hot, cold and on fire’ – this is fun, simple and a great intro to sex-play.

Tell him to use his tongue or hands to explore your body: when he gets it right, use the words ‘hot’ and when he hits the spot let him know he’s ‘on fire’. This means he gets to know your body through your sensations. I promise you, from then on, he’ll know exactly how to please you.

4. Sit Down & Have ‘The Talk’

Whilst games can really improve your sex-play, the fact is, some guys have likes and dislikes that aren’t going to suit your own. If he doesn't like foreplay but that’s how you prefer to orgasm – or perhaps he keeps edging towards anal, which really isn’t your thing – then it’s time to sit down and get things straight.

Grab a bottle of wine, light some candles and tell your man, “Let’s talk about sex”. Yes, you may bruise his ego, and yes, that first sentence may make you want to choke, but so many relationships fail because partners simply aren’t sexually satisfied. Great relationships need great communication and that begins with honesty – sometimes rehab is required from time to time to ensure you get the best from each other.

5. Be Wary Of Deeper Issues

There could be something deeper going on, so make sure you broach the issue of your sex life tactfully. Conditions like premature ejaculation and erection failure bother terrify the men they affect. But that doesn’t mean you need to grin and bear the situation or make light of it – instead be practical and reassure him that you’ll figure it out together.

The support you offer him will be more than just advice, it could genuinely change both your lives for the better – inside and outside the bedroom.

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