A Sex Therapist Shares Her Self-Pleasure Tips
Created in partnership with LELO
Yaroslav Danylchenko/stocksy united
Self-Pleasure Gives You The Chance To Take Control
“One of the most common misconceptions about masturbation is that it can get in the way of a relationship. People think that if they are taking care of themselves sexually, they’ll be less likely to seek out sex with a partner. The opposite is true. Masturbation can be part of a healthy relationship. In fact, research says partners who masturbate are often better able to communicate their desires and tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction than people in relationships who don’t masturbate. At the same time, whether you’re in a relationship or not, knowing you can provide your body pleasure can be empowering and liberating. Knowing you have your own toys, and your own time set aside, can help you build a more confident relationship with your body that will benefit both you and anyone you’re with. When it comes to toys, Swedish brand LELO has been leading the way for nearly two decades and offers some of the very best in high-tech toys."
The Benefits For Mental Health Are Real
“Masturbation has been shown to increase mood, improve sleep and help with focus. Research shows self-pleasure is both a form of in-the-moment stress relief, and can reduce anxiety over time. It can also be used as a form of pain relief for people who suffer from menstrual cramps. People who regularly engage in solo sex report having a better understanding of their sexual preferences, a higher level of sexual desire, and increased sexual fulfilment in their relationships. Plus, self-pleasure eases any form of pressure in the bedroom – there’s no need to perform when you’re just there for yourself. Often, when we’re engaged in partnered sex, we’re not focusing on ourselves, and we may not have the time or desire to zero in on what’s working for us. Masturbation is a great way to get acquainted with your body and desires without the performance anxiety that might accompany partnered sex, while trying out something new can feel less intimidating when we’re alone.”
It’s A Form Of Self-Care
“Many of us have received societal messaging that masturbation is only for single people, or those who have a sex addiction. This attitude needs to change – masturbation is not a symptom of addiction or any other mental illness. It’s a form of self-care that many people enjoy regularly regardless of their relationship status. If you feel embarrassed about masturbation, take the time to tailor your relationship to self-pleasure. Start with engaging with self-pleasure in ways that feel less intimidating. For example, does it feel easier to think about using a toy or using your hand?”
The Right Toy Can Provide Endless Pleasure
“As well as making some of the world’s most innovative sex toys, LELO is an advocate for women’s pleasure. It's on a mission to close the orgasm gap with its intelligent toys, which can offer us sensations, stamina and levels of intensity that are simply impossible for the human body to create. Toys aren’t replacements for people, although they can be a great tool in your erotic toolkit to help you build a more fulfilling sex life. If you are thinking about trying a toy, quality matters. Choose a toy made with body-safe silicone to ensure it’s easy to clean, waterproof and feels soft against your skin. Next, think about what kind of stimulation you’d enjoy. For example, if you prefer light, less targeted stimulation, try a toy with a wider surface area or one that uses indirect stimulation, such as the LELO Sila Cruise. For G-spot stimulation, look for a longer wand with curvature, such as the Mona 2. If you already have a couple of toys and want to level things up, a more complex product like the Enigma Cruise will provide endless pleasure.”
It's Okay To Get Creative
“Often, people stop exploring once they find something that works, and then they continue masturbating in the same way for years, even decades. Once you find something you like, take note, but don’t stop experimenting. Try masturbating on your stomach, then on your back. See what it feels like on the bed versus on the floor. You can always circle back to what works, but allow yourself to be curious. Masturbating in the bath or shower is a great way to get some privacy if you have roommates – run the water and use a waterproof toy to self-pleasure without worrying about the noise. Don’t hesitate to use pillows to position your body to avoid discomfort – try masturbating on your side or with a pillow under your knees. You can even try exploring multiple erogenous zones – use a toy like our Smart Wand 2 to stimulate both the G-spot and the clitoris; utilise a rabbit or a hands-free vibrator for extra support.”
If In Doubt, Start Slow
“Don’t be all or nothing about masturbation; your first time doesn’t need to be an hour-long session with a variety of toys and multiple orgasms. Start with shorter sessions, trying just one thing at a time. The first time, just explore your body without the pressure to make yourself orgasm. What does it feel like to experience the touch of your hands or a toy? If you’re a total beginner, accept that it can take time to find out what works for you – but that’s part of the fun.”
For more, head to LELO.com or follow LELO on Instagram @LELO_Official.
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