Midlife Lessons From Dawn O’Porter
On Business & Career
My approach to work has changed dramatically as I’ve got older. It’s gone from trying to find my next gig, networking every room I walk into, producing everything with the intention of it leading to the next bigger thing, to simply maintaining what I’ve achieved. Writing is now my full-time job. I wrote Honeybee by doing a normal 9-5 at my desk, without worrying about what is next and just doing the work on the table. It’s a huge relief to have reached this point as a writer.
On Health & Wellness
Now that I’m 45, I’m more into my physical and emotional well-being than ever before. I’m not sure I gave either any thought until I was in my late 30s. I rarely used to exercise, and my diet was pure indulgence. These days I don’t worry about what is needed of me socially and do what makes me feel good instead – which has been a big change. I don’t touch gluten because it makes me very unwell, and I eat hardly any sugar. I don’t drink wine because the hangovers are too awful (I drink everything else) and I work out between four and five times a week. This lifestyle would have gotten in the way when I was younger but now it’s how I keep going and feel healthy, happy and confident in myself. I want to have enough energy to kick balls for hours with my boys and to keep writing bestselling novels.
On Fashion & Beauty
My fashion sense has always been entirely unique to me. And despite being a normal teenager who wanted to look like everyone else, I have always worn clothes that I love without worrying about what other people think. Even now at 45, I still dress for myself, and it’s important to do that. In terms of beauty, I am much the same. I’m a shameless product junkie – I love lotions and potions – and I don’t even put the bins out without my thick eye liner on. Even though I love almost everything about getting older, I’m also partial to a little bit of Botox around my eyes to keep me looking fresh. I love it and I don’t think there’s any shame in that. I own it.
On Money
Being an artist, my finances fluctuate regularly. Sometimes I’m flushed and sometimes I’m broke. That said, I now have much more security when my accounts are low compared to 20 years ago when it was literally a case of feeding myself or my cat, but I still sometimes experience that horrible feeling of my card being declined. It’s a situation I can generally write myself out of if I get to my desk and bash out some words quickly, but I only get paid when I produce work. There is no salary. I have to stay really on it with my output, which is sometimes quite stressful – but that is the nature of my work, and I’ve had to get more comfortable with it over the years.
On Friendships, Relationships & Marriage
I’ve come to realise that female friendship is the backbone to my life, which is why it’s the theme of all my novels. I couldn’t get through a week without the women in my life. Everyone from my sister to the women I’ve met through work – they all play a vital role in my life. My WhatsApp is alive with different groups of women, all of which contribute daily to my mental clarity. The way women share and lift each other up is pure magic. I tell my friends everything. Men don’t talk the way women do, which I think it’s one of the saddest things about the world. If men were more open with each other, if they really opened up and ripped into their feelings in the casual way that women do, I think the world would be a much gentler place.
On Motherhood
No matter how busy I am, motherhood is my number one job. My kids are seven and nine now – arguably this is the sweet spot before the teenage troubles, but we are having such a great time together, especially now we’re through all that toddler nonsense. I love hanging out with my kids. I cook all their meals and sit with them while we eat, and we have the best conversations. Of course there is drama too, like any family, but I’m loving this stage of motherhood. It feels like all the hard work is paying off. They’re nice, funny people and have lots to say.
On The Best Advice She's Been Given
The best advice I’ve ever been given was from my midwife who delivered my second baby, Valentine. She said ‘You must look after yourself first. If you crumble, the whole family crumbles. Put yourself first, be healthy, be strong and they will all follow.’ She was so right. When mums fall apart, the whole family struggles. This isn’t meant to put pressure on anyone. We all have our right to break down. But that’s why it’s important. Do what you can to not let the mental load crush you. Make sure you make time for yourself amid the chaos. It makes the chaos that little bit more bearable.
On The Advice She'd Give Her 20-Year-Old Self
You don’t have to be an adult yet. Enjoy this decade of independence and freedom. Know that what you do now does not have to define the rest of your life, and you don’t need to make any big decisions. Day by day, enjoy yourself and try everything – say yes to experiences and be brave. One day you might not have this freedom, so make the most of it and never panic that you should have more than what you do. Freedom is the most valuable thing in your life right now. Oh… and don’t get a dog.
On The Life Motto She Now Lives By
Wear the bonkers outfit, eat well, work hard and be nice to people. Simple choices like those make you feel good about yourself and you become a joy for other people to be around –it's a win win.
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Honeybee by Dawn O’Porter is published today, 26th September by HarperCollins
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