How To Boost Your Sex Drive
Reasons Your Libido Might Be Lower
"Some of the most common reasons women experience a low libido are the pressures of juggling busy lives, how they feel about themselves – including their body confidence – and the quality of their relationships. It's also about whether they're able to access the kind of sexual intimacy they enjoy and whether the conditions are right for their desire to develop. For many women, emotional intimacy is a form of foreplay, so when that connection is missing, sexual desire can be much harder to nurture. Equally, if they're feeling stressed, distracted by an endless to-do list or uncomfortable in themselves, it's far less likely they'll be in the right headspace for intimacy. Feeling relaxed, confident and able to enjoy the kind of sex they actually want are all important foundations for desire." – Miranda Christophers
The Role Hormones Play
“Desire and libido can also be affected by hormonal factors such as menopause, pregnancy, the contraceptive pill or medications, not to mention illness, loss, stress and many other things. Additionally, women may notice that their desire is stronger around ovulation. If there are any medical, hormonal or medication factors at play, then it is worth getting advice to explore your options as things could change quite easily.” – Miranda
You Need To Be Aligned With Your Partner
"Sometimes, the way someone enjoys sex isn't aligned with their partner's preferences. Equally, if sex starts to feel like an expectation rather than something to look forward to, it's easy for negative associations to replace positive ones. Pleasure fuels desire; pressure rarely does. Differences in libido are one of the most common reasons people seek sex and relationship therapy. While these discrepancies can be challenging, it's important not to view them as the sole responsibility of the partner with the lower sex drive. Desire exists within the context of a relationship, so understanding it – and addressing any changes – should always be a shared process. Exploring each person's needs, expectations and experience of intimacy is key to finding a way forward together." – Miranda
Having A Low Sex Drive Is Not Always A Bad Thing
“Having a low sex life isn't bad. Again, this goes more to the question of understanding how someone actually feels. Many people are very much enjoying lives and relationships without sex. People tend to find it is a problem if it's something that they don't have but feel they want, or if they have lost or are struggling to enjoy something they had previously, or if it's creating an issue for them or their relationship.” – Miranda
HOW TO LIFT YOUR LIBIDO
Stop treating desire like a switch you should be able to flip.
“Libido isn’t something you either have or not. It responds to stress, sleep, hormones, relationship dynamics and how connected you feel to yourself. Instead of asking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ try asking, ‘What does my body need to feel safe, energized and turned on?’ Desire is responsive. The more you understand what supports yours, the easier it is to access.” – Emily Morse
Prioritise pleasure over performance.
“So many people approach sex with a goal-oriented mindset but desire grows when you’re enjoying yourself, not when you’re worrying about whether you’re ‘in the mood’ or performing well. Get curious about what actually feels good to you, whether that’s fantasy, masturbation, kissing, touch or simply slowing things down. Pay attention to what brings you pleasure and do more of it. Pleasure is a skill and the more you practice, the better you get at knowing what turns you on.” – Emily
Consider what makes you feel good about yourself
“Consider what makes you feel good about yourself, what you may like to feel like or what has helped to make you feel sexier or more connected in the past. For some, this might be about self-care or making time for yourself or to feel good in your own skin, while for others it may be about connection to others such as feeling attraction or being desired.” – Miranda
Communicate & explore
“Talking about your sex drive with partners can help you explore ideas and understand your desires and differences. Allow yourself to think about sex and explore different feelings and sensations. Self-pleasure is a good place to start. People are turned on by different things. For some it's more about the body and sensations, while for others it may involve thoughts and other senses.” – Miranda
Talk about sex outside of the bedroom
“Great sex starts long before anyone takes their clothes off. If your partner doesn’t know what helps you feel desired, supported or connected, they’re left guessing. Pressure-free conversations about intimacy are one of the most powerful ways to build desire over time. Have them when you’re calm and relaxed, on a walk or during a long drive, rather than in the heat of the moment. Leave the bedroom for sleeping and sex.” – Emily
Follow @SEXWITHEMILY & @MIRANDASEXTHERAPIST
DISCLAIMER: Features published by SheerLuxe are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programme.
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